


Yule madness... I mean magic

by Elyrian_XIII, LetUsWriteItOut



Series: The Dark Lord and I [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Collaboration, Fluff and Crack, M/M, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21958273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elyrian_XIII/pseuds/Elyrian_XIII, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetUsWriteItOut/pseuds/LetUsWriteItOut
Summary: A little holiday collaboration in which Tom starts thinking about Yule too early and Severus forgets about the holiday.
Relationships: Tom Riddle/Severus Snape
Series: The Dark Lord and I [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1076025
Comments: 26
Kudos: 102





	Yule madness... I mean magic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Heccate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heccate/gifts).



> Shadow: I've been thinking  
> Severus: That would be a first  
> Shadow: I can always take away your present~  
> Elly: Anyone mentioned presents? 
> 
> Elly: Also before we start, I would like to thank people over at Writters Den & Potterheads from Frostyron discord servers for giving me gift ideas to use :)

Being a Dark Lord comes with multiple perks. You get to order minions around and everyone believes you when you threaten them with a Crucio. But that also means that you have all the resources to get just anything, meaning your Yule present for your husband has to be perfect. And as most people know, planning the perfect gift is impossible. Especially because everything tends to get sold out rather quickly in December. 

So what does a Dark Lord do in a situation like this? He starts obtaining gifts (yes, multiple) months (yes, you heard me right. Months. As in plural) in advance. Ok, getting his hands on a very rare and valuable potions ingredient, that can’t be preserved for more than a few weeks, was a bit too early back in June, but Tom never had any reservations about giving Severus gifts for no other reason than to give him something. 

Another problem with getting gifts early is your husband finding them early too, and when it’s barely October you can’t just admit that those were his Yule presents, can you now? So coming up with excuses it was and that’s how Tom accidentally started a tradition of giving gifts for Samhain. It might have saved Tom from Severus’ glare of disappointment, but Lucius had no reservations of letting his feelings about it be known. Apparently Narcissa and Bellatrix just loved the idea, and now their husbands are forced to find yet another mandatory perfect gift every year. As if other holidays and birthdays weren’t difficult enough - both on their wallets and sanity. 

Now it was already December and Tom somehow accumulated enough gifts that he needed to find a bigger closet to hide them all in. Ok that foldable, self-stirring cauldron made of gold-titanium alloy and big enough to hold a fully grown man in it might be a bit too much, but it was part of decorative cauldron collection and it was meant to store all of the smaller ones. Tom already bought most of them because they were just so adorable! One even has an image of a baby snake hatching and once it comes out of the egg, the words “Congrats, it’s a snake!” appear next to it. And another one has tiny coffee cups drawn on it with “Espresso Patronum!” written underneath them! All except the man sized one were too tiny to actually brew anything in them, but they came with little lids so one could store ingredients in them. The original plan had been to gift Severus one of the smaller cauldrons every day of December before Yule, but his gift closet was so full that everything would come tumbling down if he tried to take out any of them.

Another gift Tom got were tea cosies for all of Severus’ favourite cauldrons. Those poor things were getting so overworked these days, with Severus working on some new potion, that Tom felt sorry for them. If Tom tried to knit them himself before giving up on it out of frustration, no-one needed to know. It shall also stay unknown that he even sent his house elves, Cupcake and Cookie, to spy on one Molly Weasley in order to figure out this mysterious skill of _knitting_. While they were there, the two elves got their own ideas and promptly left him hanging. Now he had to deal with a pair of house-elves baking cookies, spiked with various potions that varied from harmless pranks to _amortentia_. The two admitted that the only ones with love potions were the one they sent to Lucius Malfoy so Tom decided to ignore what the two elves cooked up - Severus could smell potions in his food a mile away and if Lucious was so careless as to eat dosed cookies… Well Tom is the Dark Lord and can’t be blamed for his followers being too trusting of anything that came from his house elves.

But all things aside, Tom had two closets full of various gifts for Severus - one was purely for the traditional gifts such as books & collections of various herbal teas that everyone seems to get for his husband (just that the ones Tom found were a lot rarer and extra fancy), together with some more useful items such as new clothes and sunglasses with LED lights on them, but he still lacked a gift that Severus would honestly love. 

~~Everyone but the Dark Lord knew that Severus would be happy with whatever Tom got him, even if it was just an oversized jar of Nutella~~.

So the Dark Lord had to resort to polyjuicing himself and then asking people about what they thought would be a good gift. That resulted in him needing yet another closet to hide the gifts and he got the feeling that Severus knew very well where his Yule gifts were hidden, but was being a good sport about it and didn’t go snooping about. 

Well one of the new gifts found its way into Severus’ hands shortly after Tom obtained it, but that was all Barty’s fault. The young Death Eater suggested a cute pet for a gift and since kittens and puppies were too mainstream, a puffskein it was. The problem came from the fact that he ordered the pet via mail and ended up with a bright turquoise _fanged_ puffskein that munched its way out of its gift wrapping as soon as the owl dropped the package. 

Somehow the animal knew it was meant to be a gift for Severus and decided to be glued to the man’s side at all times. Literally. And despite threatening to use it in a potion, Tom knew Severus was growing fond of the furball. If this continued, Severus would love the puffskein more than his own husband!!

And so Tom had to go hunting again. He needed something that would enable him to keep all of Severus’ love and appreciation for himself! 

So a trip to the muggle world was in order. He must have looked through hundreds of stores and walked a few miles, since muggle shopping centres weren’t very wizard friendly. The worst part was that whenever he asked a shop clerk where he might find the item, they always suggested another branch of their own store and that he may check out 2-3 stores where their friends worked. He had to resort to asking people who were looking at similar merchandise, since they were a lot more helpful than the people paid to help customers… Anyways, after a day of walking so much that he felt like he had a hole in one of his socks, and he could swear that before he embarked on this quest his shoes didn’t look nearly as worn out, Tom finally found what he was looking for. 

When Tom first got the idea of what to gift Severus for Yule, he was upset with himself for not thinking of this sooner, but once he actually had to look for it, he realised that there was probably a good reason as to why his brain hesitated to mention this idea. But, alas, he was the Dark Lord, and as such must provide the best and most perfect of all gifts for his beloved. 

Of course he picked up a _few_ other trinkets for Severus, and since Yule was almost upon them, he also got a few things for his Elite. He was sure his gifts would be appreciated. 

Regulus and Barty somehow managed to get all of Tom’s most trusted followers hooked on this muggle thing called _Pokemon_ and now they all played the game and watched the animated show every weekend… So they’re all getting stuffed creatures from that franchise. Of course, once he got home he equipped each and every one with a few specialised charms to keep his Elite on their toes. It should be mentioned here that the Dark Lord tested the charms on an albino fox-like creature and due to some miscalculations, it became more hostile than intended and was as such a bad gift to give someone with a young child. Well, Lucius is still getting the fox and if he makes any complains, he’s getting a Barbie doll next year.

Over the course of the next few days Tom made sure to keep Sev away from his super duper extra secret and totally awesome Yule surprise by hiding it inside of an empty bag of peas and putting the entire package in the freezer. 

And so the Dark Lord anxiously watched the days pass until it was time to move his hoard of gifts under the tree. They might need a bigger tree… Or maybe a forest… He went to mention this to his crazy house elves, but the two beings of questionable sanity already had him covered. It turned out they went _slightly_ overboard with decorations and every tree and bush on the Dark Lord’s property was decked in fairy lights and colorful decorations. It was no problem for the two elves to move five more trees into the manor and spread them around the rooms. Each hosted a small pile of various gifts Tom planned on making Sev open all the way until New Year’s eve. The original tree only held gifts for his Elite and the super duper extra secret special and totally epic gift he got for his husband. 

On the morning of Yule Tom woke Severus up before the sun rose, since it was technically Yule already and he couldn’t wait to see Sev’s reaction. 

He should predict that 3am is not a good time to wake anyone up, even if it’s to gift them….

“A Deadpool plushie? You got me a _Deadpool plushie_?!” 

Tom didn’t have to be a mind reader to know Severus loved the gift, but still had something weighing on his mind. It was probably just something potions related…

* * * 

Contrary to the Death Eaters’ beliefs, the reason why Severus didn’t get any presents for the Dark Lord wasn’t because he hated Christmas and everything it represented.

True, as a student, he stayed at Hogwarts for the holidays every year, because going home was an option he tried to avoid at all costs even if he longed to see his mother, but that was already in the past.

The image of Christmas was restored in Severus’ mind during his teaching years, because he could do twice as much work with everybody gone from the castle, finally giving him some quiet.

Then, moving in with his husband, he… okay, so what, he forgot it was Christmas! He certainly wouldn’t admit it to anyone, and even deny it until the day he would die, but that was what actually happened.

He was vaguely aware that it was December already, but he hit a very difficult question in one of his Potion research projects, and then a month went by in just a blink.

Tom, of course, still liked to shower him with presents, and that’s when it hit him, when he saw a great pile of presents under their Yule tree in the morning, and he didn’t get the Dark Lord anything.

Regulus and Barty seemed to laugh at him by the time Sev got back from the date Voldemort took him on, just as the annoying elves seemed to be very disappointed in him, as every look they were gracing him with was laced with discontent.

None of that compared to the turmoil Severus felt when their date went so great, and Tom sweetly kissed him under the forest branches that smelled like fresh pine, and he had to Occlude just to not let Tom know how guilty he felt about forgetting the occasion.

On their way back, Severus knew he had to do something extraordinary in return, something that he could claim he had hidden as a present all along, something worthy of a Dark Lord.

Or maybe, it could be something Tom really liked.

However, as Severus weighted those options, he felt himself blush. Both ideas that came to him were so embarrassing, he’d ordinarily rather _not_ give Voldy a present if he had to choose from these two, but it was bad enough already that he forgot.

He needed to step up his game with the presents, and make sure that next year (and the year after that), he didn’t commit the same insult on the Yule spirit of Voldemort again.

Apparating to Disneyland unnoticed was tricky when it was so packed with Muggles, Severus seeing some wizards and witches as well.

And it took time and deliberation and a _lot_ of patience from Severus’ side to not curse every Muggle who bumped into him, but then he had located it.

A Christmas themed, special edition, Disneyland only gift bag full of goodies for adults.

He could see scarves, mittens, even a hot chocolate mug decorated with Beauty and the Beast in the bag.

It was so colourful, Severus prided himself on the thought that he would surely grow to despise that mug, while Tom would love it, and not just because it was Sev who bought it for him.

It was perfect, and personal, something Severus could be sure no-one in the ranks of the Death Eaters would buy for Tom. First, because they feared the Lord, and second, nobody except Severus was let close enough to know Tom actually liked Disney.

He even saw himself charming the mug with a spell so that only he and Tom would see it with the real Disney theme, and others would only perceive it as some dark artefact or scary thing - after all, Tom had an image to uphold.

But, as Sev reached for the last gift bag on the selves the bag didn’t move!

Only then did he notice that a Muggle child was holding the other end of the bag, and grabbing it so strong that it left no doubt in the Potion Master’s mind that the kid wanted the present as well.

“Get yours, tiny,” he warned the child off, on a low voice first, trying to look intimidating enough that child would give him the bag.

“You get yours, bat! Or I’ll cry!” The little girl, however, only tightened her whitening knuckles around the gift, barely old enough to speak, yet already giving him plenty of attitude.

 _If I let this child have this present now after she just threatened me, she’ll never learn any manners. She’ll think threatening people is rewarding._ Severus thought to himself, still thinking like a teacher.

And, of course, like a concerned wizard who had to get something great for his husband to make up for the lack of presents from his side in the morning, but don’t mind that.

“I’ll turn you into a rat if you don’t let go of my present,” he then tried threatening the little girl in turn. “I’m a wizard, and I’m not nice.”

“And I’m a fairy princess and you’ll be sorry! I’ll curse you!” she only replied, waving a toy Disney wand in his face, muttering something that wasn’t a real spell, but her claws never let go of the bag.

She closed her eyes to do the “spell”, and opened one of them to check how it worked. When Sev was just looking at her, not impressed, she decided to switch tactics.

Hell, if she had magic, she’d be a Slytherin for sure, because next she screamed.

“Muuum! There is a bad, bad man not giving me the present I want for Christmas, and he said he’ll turn into me a rat!”

So what, Severus though when going back to the mansion. Surely, a lot of people had been banned from Disneyland for life because of a misunderstanding, not just him.

From the moment the tiny monster started to scream, people seemed to believe without question that Severus didn’t have just as much of a right to the Christmas bag as the girl, and when he tried to explain that, the girl started crying…

So yes, unfortunate circumstances kept Severus from obtaining the only great gift he saw, and he couldn’t even go back for something else.

Turns out the operators of Disneyland were a couple of wizards, even magically banning him from all Disneylands around the world for making a kid cry.

Which made it sound more dramatic than what really happened, but explaining that didn’t help either.

So, Sev didn’t have any other choice left, but this one… this was even more trying on his nerves than going to Disneyland.

Severus Snape wasn’t easily rattled, usually. He did have a past that made it somewhat impossible, safe to say.

But this was uncomfortable for him on another level, even if it didn’t cost any money, and he could use a simple charm to do it.

He just had to pray that Voldemort would like the idea, and not laugh at him... He’d never recover if Tom did. He’d have to Oblivite or poison himself then, not being able to bear the thought of what he did, and how it only earned him such profound humiliation.

He first thought of charming his clothes into leather stripes that didn’t cover up too much, and maybe transforming his wand for the night into a kinky whip he could use on Tom, if the Dark Lord wished him to.

But as he tried that, he felt that it wasn’t right. Of course, the Dark Lord would probably appreciate Severus taking charge of him (hopefully?) for a time, and out of anyone, Sev could impersonate a Dom or an indeed very strict schoolteacher depending on Tom’s preference of the situation, but it almost seemed too easy.

Maybe, a great present would entail not just being uncomfortable because of not wearing enough clothes, but more.

Yet, Severus’ next idea left him so vulnerable he was ready to give up on it by the time Tom came into their bedroom.

“Severus, dinner is rea— oh my,” said the Dark Lord and, thank Merlin, he wasn’t laughing. But the glint that suddenly appeared in his eyes didn’t promise any good either. “What is this, dear husband of mine?”

“It was meant to be your present, but I didn’t count on you not returning to this room for so long, we better just go eat dinner.”

“But how could I eat with such a tempting image in my head, Severus?” Tom was on top of him, covering Severus’ mostly naked body with his own, whispering the words into the Potion Master’s ear. “Surely, I’m the Dark Lord, but not with the supernatural kind of tolerance needed to ignore you like this.”

“Let me go and we’ll do something after dinner instead. My arms are numb,” Severus pleaded the Dark Lord, but was now let go too quickly, with a highly suspicious smile plastered over Tom’s face.

“You mean you actually can’t magic yourself free?”

“It was meant to be part of your present. Me being vulnerable and such. Opening up to you, and not just physically, if you will,” Severus muttered, probably deep crimson from embarrassment by then, but trusting Tom enough to admit to it. “But it was a bad idea, since I had to ask an elf to charm me into these leather bonds, and you didn’t come back to our room for the whole afternoon, so now I’m cold and sore.”

“But, you’re also tied to a bedpost and completely at my mercy,” Voldemort just said, as if he could barely believe the fact. “And I want to take care of you, Severus. Do you trust me?”

“But my Lord,” was all that Severus could say in return, because then he was silenced with a kiss.

And, after they were done and thoroughly spent - which took some hours, and Severus started to think he _got_ why people liked to give and receive Christmas presents, after all these years of not understanding- only then did Tom notice the discarded whip that was Severus’ wand, still transformed.

“And this?”

“Originally, I meant to use it on you. But then I decided-“

“Please do,” Tom interrupted him faster than Sev thought it was possible, his eyes darkening. “I don’t want any presents other than this and what you've just given to me for the next ten years, but now you _have_ to use it on me.”

“But... you’re the Dark Lord, and I’m already tired,” Sev tried to come up with excuses, a bit intimidated by how much Tom seemed to want it.

“Oh, but you’re my husband, who is obligated to keep me in check. And I left you tied to a headboard for the whole afternoon. Don’t I deserve some punishment for that, at least?”

“Now that you want it so much, I’ll say no,” Severus found himself saying, wondering when their Christmas turned into leather ties, and talking about punishments involving a whip.

Surely, next year he’d have to lift the magical ban on himself somehow, and go for the Disney present instead...

But, when they postponed dinner, and Severus made a totally different use of his wand than he would usually do (no pun intended), Tom just told him between two very long kisses:

“Best present ever, Severus. No wonder that you don’t like my presents as much, when you have such good ideas.”

First, Sev did blush, but then gathered his wits to say.

“Maybe sometimes giving gifts to you is great as well, My Lord.”

“Oh is that so, my darling husband?” Tom just enjoyed the praise, seemingly too much, now probably being too full of himself. “Then you should give me more, definitely.”

“I take it back. It’s not pleasant at all, when you’re grinning at me like you’re planning something truly treacherous, like a kid who just heard that this year Christmas will be held twice,” Severus was a bit alarmed now.

“But it’s true, isn’t it?” Voldemort smiled. “It is Christmas, and you’re my present. And I do not wish for my servants or even elves to think that I do not appreciate my presents to the fullest...”

“I can’t possibly go again!” Sev just felt truly exhausted. He probably hadn’t orgasm as hard in his life as just now (three times in succession), and at this point all he wanted to do was to get something to eat, shower, and sleep, not necessarily in that order. “And I perfectly like having sex with you Tom, we don’t have to do anything like this for it to be enjoyable!”

Also, Severus feared his stamina might not hold if his and Tom’s desires would meet again in the way it just did today, only everyday...

“I stand corrected. Hearing that is the best Christmas present ever,” Voldemort just smiled now, not grinning like a maniac anymore, but as if he really meant it.

So much so that Sev almost felt that he’d just fallen even more deeply in love with his husband, after Tom being so romantic, so he had to quickly try to change the topic before it would get too dangerous for him, and his health.

“So, am I excused from buying you anything next year, and the one after that? They say you should quit while you’re ahead.”

“You certainly don’t have to _buy_ anything, Severus,” Tom said, smiling the same. “But we definitely shouldn’t quit this, and I tend to think you agree. You certainly seemed to, just a couple of minutes ago, at least...”

It could have been true, because just thinking back to the aforementioned happenings, Severus - uncharacteristically - found himself smiling, while adding.

“You will have to wait for the next year to see, My Lord.”

**Author's Note:**

> Shadow: We need a beta  
> Elly: We could bully Heka into doing it?  
> Shadow: I think you meant _bribe_ Heka ;)
> 
> Elly & Shadow: THANK YOU HEKAAAAAAA! YOU'RE THE BEST BETA EVAAAAAAAAA


End file.
